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Friday, March 3rd, 2006
5:36 pm - The End
I doubt I'm going to update this anymore... It's been over a year since my Last one anyway... But I've made a transition to myspace. i like it... it's a little more flexible... whatever. check my page out @ www.myspace.com/betahead

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Saturday, November 20th, 2004
11:51 pm - there is no subject
So it's closing in on midnight and I'm sitting in Combat Systems Maintenance Central playing on the internet because it's close to the only thing I can do besides sleeping and I did that all day. Today, a Saturday I actually didn't have to work (much) on. Just a few days and we're off to sail up to South Carolina. It will be nice to leave Mississippi behind. I don't have any intention to return.

So lets do a bit more about filling in the gaps i've left in my brief recount of my life.
I moved to San Diego, CA in June of 2003. I fell in love and unbeknownst to me, concieved a son. We were engaged in january and found out in february that Meggan was 18 weeks pregnant. The whole ordeal went very smoothly especially since we didn't even know for the first half of it. We moved our wedding date up about a year once we found out and were married on Feb 21, 2004. My parents happened to be in Anahiem that week and it was convenient enough a date.
Everett Gavin Irwin was born July 9.
I moved to Mississippi September 28th.
My sister's moved in with Meggan in San Diego to help out with Everett while I'm not around. But by the sounds of it he's doing so much now that i wish i were there to see.
It really kinda sucks. No, it sucks pretty hard. I'll see the two of them for about 10 days over christmas and then not again till maybe July. But such is the price of military life. Not that i enjoy paying a price for a life I'd rather be free of. 4 and a half more years....

current mood: morose

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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
12:13 pm - Does this have a reset button?
So long since my last post it's ludicrous. Nothing of being in the Navy, being married, being a father... [brief history: I am in the navy, i am married, i am a father.] I'm in Mississippi on the USS James E Williams. Life blows. I miss San Diego. I miss people in places i havn't lived in years. People I never thought I'd miss. I'm so starved for anything resembing what i thought was my life. It's hard to accept that this is it. It's like reading a book that starts off so good but at every turn of the page there's a new falter and you keep faith in your protagonist that he will overcome... but it just keeps getting worse. It's a disappointing read. But, you see, in the books, the protagonist will always come back else no one would buy your books. But life doesn't happen that way. Faith is at a premium right now.

nothing else to say right now. or too much to say it's not worth catching up on. [RESET]

current mood: indescribable

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Monday, January 13th, 2003
6:25 pm - Updating for the sake of updating
So I'm not at home... I'm at Ross's. Waiting for him to finish making egg rolls.

And I havn't updated since before christmas...

Near the beginning of December, my mom asked me "What do you get someone for christmas who needs no worldly possesions for the next six years?" I had no idea, but she got me a cordless electric razor. A neat one at that... And a hefty stack of Gift Cards to various retailers. Kohls, Barnes & Nobles, The Griffin (local used bookstore), CompUSA (even though the closest one's over 2 hours away...). So I bought some running shoes at Kohls, a few cups of coffee at B&N, and a pile of used books from the griffin. You can get a hell of alot of used books for $30. I ran out of ones i wanted to read in english. So I'm essentially reteaching myself French mostly for the sake of consuming time. But yeah... What do you get someone who needs no worldly possesions? Aside from car parts, because i get to keep my car. Booty. But slim chances on that. Oh well...

Ever notice there's some sort of stigma about giving people car parts for christmas? I mean, if someone got me a high output fuel pump, I'd be all about it. I would love to get a fuel pump for christmas. But who the hell gives someone a fuel pump for christmas? Me. But no one else would want one. poo

current mood: cynical

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Sunday, December 22nd, 2002
2:33 am

Which John Cusack Are You?

current mood: complacent

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Friday, December 20th, 2002
2:24 am - So I joined the Navy...
I don't feel like explaining everything but in case you didn't know... maybe you should.

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Monday, November 18th, 2002
12:27 am
I looked at pictures today. Pictures of a house I moved out of 13 years ago. But the pictures were from before we moved in, and they had other people's furniture in it.
I knew it wasn't ours, but I couldn't think of what SHOULD be there. It could have been ours, if i didn't know better.
I think I chose to forget that house. That town.
I haven't talked to anyone from Rochelle since I moved away in 7th grade.
I remembered sitting in that kitchen, eating fish sticks. Fish sticks for fucks sake.
I think I disappointed myself because I didn't know that was something I'd later frown upon.
I can't go back and make it go away. I don't want to be from Rochelle. I don't want to remember eating fish sticks in a house that used to be a carriage shed.
I don't want to remember being poor.

I want my fucking life back but i have no home. I want my life back but i don't know where i lost it or when i had one or... anything. I have no home.

I want a home.

current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
2:54 am - long time, no update
So yeah... it's been a while. I've been... busy. But that's good. It seems like I have so much to say, but seeing as it's a public journal, I don't know that i should. Venting anger at things, changing plans, hopes, dreams, aspirations.... confusion. I'm tired though.

current mood: lonely

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Monday, October 28th, 2002
11:28 pm - I think I need help with this one...
Hey, remember fun? I remember fun... yeah, that was fun. I miss fun. And joy. And smiling. Woah, smiling. I forgot about that... I wonder where they went. It's been so long, I forgot where I put them. I havn't gone anywhere so they have to be around here somewhere. I just saw them the other day...

current mood: drained

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Saturday, October 26th, 2002
12:28 am
For it is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed; it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical, will live the relation to another as something alive and will himself draw exhaustively from his own existence.
- Rilke (care of Michael Tang)

current mood: peaceful

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Friday, October 25th, 2002
2:34 am - that moment of dread
it snowed here yesterday. It's Oct. 24 and it snowed. It can only snow more now. I can't make the snow that happened unsnow. I hate snow. If you haven't figured that out already. Snow makes my feet cold and when my feet are cold, I'm cold. And I hate being cold. Every year, my toes go numb. Not while I'm outside, they go numb in November and come back in March. In my old toyota, I used to blast the heat all the time. But it was never enough to keep it really warm, just enough to melt the snow on my shoes. When I got out of the car, it would freeze again and after the first few weeks i had a mound of solid ice in my footwell. I hate ice. And snow. And cold. Penguins are cool though. Maybe I'm just jealous.

current mood: Penguin Envy (cold)

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Saturday, October 12th, 2002
5:53 am - This is for all the lonely people...
...thinking that life has passed them by.

Sometimes you just have to move yourself. Find an old friend, find a new friend, pick a direction and go. you don't need a destination. just coffee, a radar detector, a pile of PEZ refills and gas. You'll have some of the greatest conversations that you won't remember or jokes you won't get the next morning. But it's just good enough to justify not sleeping.

current mood: tired

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Friday, October 4th, 2002
12:15 am
tired. work. life? sleep is priority.

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Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
4:06 pm
"Egotism is the anesthetic that deadens the pain of stupidity" -Knute Rockne

current mood: complacent

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12:22 am - Lookie~!
You are 64% geek
You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you'll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you're a technical geek, you'll be able to afford it, too. If you're not a technical geek, you're geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don't date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You'll constantly try to out-geek the other.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

What's sad is that I'm somewhat dismayed at my under 70% Geek rating... But on the other hand, I was proud not to get any of the star trek references. So I'm a Technical Geek apparently suited to mate with non-technical geeks. Star Trek fans need not apply....

But really, you should take the test... I was quite proud to say I own over 2 Brian Eno CDs... and just the fact that they ask if you have Brian Eno CDs.

current mood: Not looking forward to work

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Monday, September 30th, 2002
12:44 am - Selling out is expensive
You know, I like to think I live in the 'real world'. The world where people go about their day-to-day and have their bills and checks and routines and everything else some people see wrong with the world. The people that i apparenly used to be. Maybe I never was. Maybe i just tried to be.
Selling out is expensive. I mean, if barely meeting that day-to-day bills and routines is selling out, where's my fucking money? So maybe I havn't sold out. Maybe I'm not quite the corporate scum i aspire to be. Maybe I'm just buying-in. It sounds better than "selling-out" and it sure agrees with my current financial situation. You put the money up now and maybe in 5, 10, 20 years you get your payout. But you know, getting that payout means coloring inside the lines and I think i can do that. In fact, I know i can do that. Maybe it's a talent because it seems kinda rare to find other respectable CIVIL people capable of "coloring inside the lines".
I'm not going to take the wide approach and blame society for it's fostering of ill-mannered, uncouth individuals. No, I'm fighting for society on this one. The one that keeps anarchy OFF the streets. Call me straight-edge, call me a sell-out, call me whatever you like, but laws are good. And aside from the occasional unenforced traffic law, I try to follow these. And i try to be polite and keep to myself, I try not to disturb anyone or anything in my surroundings that i don't have sole posession of. And I'm sorry (not really) if i don't have very much patience with those people who don't share my view. Immaturity sucks.
Mind those around you, even if you don't know them, the impression you make is as important as any other person in the world. So shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and enjoy yourself.

And amanda, I was planning on posting.

current mood: disappointed

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Sunday, September 1st, 2002
2:10 am - loopholes
As far as I'm concerned, the present kabobble about intellectual property and previous works and not having things patented or copyrighted, but still having say over them could theoretically be taken to the point of sueing freetranslations.com, babelfish, tons of text book publishers and nearly every school corporation in America for teaching the French language (as far as I know it's not been documented as public domain and the french do have intellectual property claims to it).

I think I also win an award for run-on sentancing.

current mood: Frackkanuttaë

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Friday, August 30th, 2002
3:04 pm - disturbing... very
I watched this happen.

current mood: uncomfortable

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Thursday, August 22nd, 2002
12:24 am - ah work... the highlight of my day.
It's sad when that's true. When you look forward to working because it relieves you from the casual nothingness that is the rest of your day, you may have a problem. I've divided my day into three sections. Work, Sleep, and Steak & Shake. I need to move to Chicago. And fast. Next day off i get, I think I'm going to drive in and check out some apartments. Step One: find out what I can afford. That is all.

current mood: bored

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Monday, August 19th, 2002
1:07 am - Signs that the End of the World is Nigh
Sweet fucking Jesus, I'm updating my Livejournal? Holy crap, this hasn't happened since.... March or May... LAST YEAR.

Well, more to the point, with school starting again, and the road-trip season on the horizon, I decided to update this? That makes no sense. Oh well. To update everyone from the last post to this one, I had the best time of my life last summer living in Little Rock, AR. I moved back in with my parents in Granger, IN and (until recently) was not employeed. I convinced Jenn to move from Texas to Chicago, for moving to Chicago was the reason i moved back here in the first place. But I'm still stuck here. In Indiana.

I do work at RadioShack now. Have for 2 months if you didn't know that... About 3 months ago I bought a 1972 MGB. My second MG and I started driving that everyday when my little red Sentra died. (Which I sold last tuesday, and there was much rejoicing.) But the MGB proved to be a poor daily driver (duh, it's 30 years old). On the first of this month, I purchased a beautiful silver metallic 1999 Mazda Miata with a black interior and a 5-speed.

If you don't know me (or don't know me well) I've wanted a Miata since about.... 1990. When my dad test drove one and bought the 240SX instead.

But enough on catching up. This wednesday I finally get to talk to Pat about getting an employee plan for my cell phone.

You know, I always blame Indiana for everything. You should know this. But truly, look at me a year ago and look at me now (sorry you guys havn't seen me lately). But a year ago I was at Waffle House reading a book. Wearing whatever had been on sale at Savers. Now I have a job i enjoy, that also pays me well, that provides wonderful oppourtunity for advancement (and transfer to Chicago). I have an MGB (and a Midget that doesn't run), and a fucking 99 Miata. I mean, what else could I want?

If you know me that well, you probably guessed right: you guys. The Family. You know who you are. So to take it from the top: with school starting again, and the road-trip season on the horizon, I'm looking forward to seeing you guys soon. Very soon.

current mood: reflective

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